Issue 2.49 – It’s Ok To Go

There had been much commotion over Hazel’s arrival back home. The discharge was certainly not well planned nor communicated with Debra and her team at the Manor. Homecare had not even been arranged, and so there was much work to do. While Charlie was still making the majority of the decisions for his wife, he was given some information, but a lot had being given to Catherine. It seemed to depend on who was immediately in contact with the hospital on any given day. The whole situation had been one big mess, but slowly, things got sorted out thanks to everyone talking with one another and sharing what information they did have.

The muddled situation that happened around Hazel was nothing in comparison to the confusion she was feeling from within. Upon her return home, she felt trapped within herself. Her thoughts no longer flowed in any linear fashion. She was frustrated she could not speak to Charlie. The first few days after her return, he spent nearly the entire day by her bedside, reading to her, holding her hand, and sometimes dozing off while she rested. She was grateful for the bond they had. She knew that he knew she could hear him, and that she appreciated him being there with her…especially when the confusing thoughts entered her mind, with time and space jumbled together in ways that made no sense at all.

She was tired.

A nurse was visiting with her regularly now. The lady was middle-aged with curly brown hair and a sing-song voice that Hazel found very pleasant. In the beginning, the nurse seemed concerned only with how much Hazel was eating and making sure Hazel took her medicine. But swallowing was nearly impossible, and so Hazel decided she no longer wanted to do it. That caused quite a bit of distress for the nurse, and for Charlie. Eventually, they both must have finally understood how hard she was trying, and how difficult it was, and they gave up fighting with her. They just accepted that this was how it was going to be.

Hazel’s pain started to subside. It happened gradually though. She wasn’t sure if it was due to the tube connected to her hand, or that her body was simply too tired to deal with the pain anymore and so, just decided to no longer feel it. She figured it was the latter. She was too tired to do much of anything else. Even sleeping was tiring.

Memories continued to come and go. She found herself looking across the room at the wall and imagining it as a large screen playing moments from her past before her own eyes. She wished she could tell Charlie what she was seeing. Sometimes he was in the scenes, much younger than he appeared now at her side. She would get confused. Her memories seemed so real, and her reality seemed dreams at times. Maybe she was dreaming. She certainly felt as though she was asleep.

It was a good sleep though. She felt Charlie’s hand around hers. She felt his lips pressed against her forehead. She felt drops of tears falling into her hair. She heard her best friend and life partner whisper, “It’s ok my dear, I will love you forever and until I see you again. You are tired, and if you need to go, you go.”

And she thought it was all very good advice. And so…she listened to her husband, one last time.

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